The Bachelor: Episode 4 - Let Them Eat Cake

January 25, 2016 by Matt

Welcome The Bachelor Quick Hits for Episode 4.

Most Exciting Nickname

After seemingly shy Caila aggressively kisses Ben, he dubs her a “sex panther.” A good strategy by Caila. After all, “60% of the time, it works every time.”

Most Pathetic Comment

Upon their arrival in Las Vegas, the women receive a special greeting from their hero. There, on a giant electronic billboard, it reads: “Ladies, Welcome to Las Vegas. Can’t wait to see you! Ben.” Jo Jo sums up the group’s feelings about receiving such a personal, romantic message: “I think every one of us fell in love in that moment.”

Most Honest Assessment

After stepping foot inside their pimped out suite in the Aria, the situation is not lost on Leah. “I feel like a baller.” Man, I hope so, because it’s not getting much better than that.

The If I Say It Enough Times, Maybe It Will Be True Comment

Olivia is constantly trying to reassure herself, but my favorite was the following confession to the camera: “I feel so good about what we have. So good.” Cut to total panic attack, while watching Ben make out with Jo Jo.

Most Self-Aware Remark

Lauren H. kisses one of Terry Fator’s puppets and refers to it as the “most dramatic puppet ceremony of the evening.”

Dumbest Statement

On the way to the twins’ house, Ben admits that he is attracted to them BOTH.

Biggest Understatement of the Night

Emily seems to find Olivia “disrespectful.” That’s one way to put it.

Most Insane Conclusion

Olivia is back to reading signs, this time she read Ben’s grabbing her hands and smiling message loud and clear. Yeah, so did Lloyd Christmas.

Most Problematic Admission

Shocked that Olivia could tell Ben that she was falling for him without the feelings being reciprocated, Jo Jo says she could never do that. Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, Jo Jo, but that’s kind of the whole game. Coming on The Bachelor and not saying you love the star before he says it back is like trying to win an Oscar for a comedy. Jo Jo, in the wise words of Adrian Balboa, “You can’t win!”

F4R’s Inaugural True Colors Moment

Let’s set the stage for Ben’s break out moment. Towards the end of the episode, our nice, Midwestern boy reveals his inner scumbag. Ben asks the twins on a two-on-one date in their hometown. The group ends up at the girls’ mother’s house. Ben has no connection with either of the sisters. The obvious move is to end both relationships and let them console each other. Instead, Ben arbitrarily decides he feels closer to Emily, breaks up with Hayley in front of her twin sister and mother, and hops in the car to make out with Emily minutes later. Come to think of it, Emily’s true colors may be even shadier than Ben’s. This was classic TV and everything we hoped for when the twins arrived. Well done, Ben. We didn’t know you had it in you.

Ben's Grade

A- – Choosing one twin over another on a two-on-one and giving the group date rose to Lauren B. earns Ben high marks, but keeping Olivia over Rachel or Amber is a mistake that he will regret next week.

Women Battling for the Chris N. Award for Least Known Contestant to Stick Around

Leah and Jennifer. Why is he not talking to Leah? She’s this year’s Samantha. I guess we should look for Leah to become a heartless bitch who tools around multiple guy’s on this summer’s Bachelor in Paradise


Best Fantasy Performances

Becca dominated, earning 200 points. She kissed Ben, received a wedding dress as a gift, read a date card, went on a one-on-one, received a rose and discussed that she was still a virgin.

While she embarrassed herself in real life, Olivia did pretty well in fantasy land, scoring 130 points. She earned the last rose of the evening, cried, displayed a talent for Ben (sort of), and gave Ben a piece of cake.

Lauren B. was the other performer who did well. Her 120 points came from displaying a talent for Ben, kissing Ben, and earning the group date rose. Becca gave her fantasy owners hope by informing the women that she too is a virgin. Now they just have to pray she tells Chris before she goes home. Leaving 100 points on the board would be a huge waste.

See you next week. As always, let us know what you thought of the episode or if you think your contestants missed out on well-deserved points.


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Chaste | January 28, 2016 @ 01:45 PM:

I clearly missed out on some kissing points with Caila. She kissed Ben three separate times on the group date. Kissed him again during their alone time at the rose ceremony cocktail party, and then again during the final credits after playing the cookie game. That's five by my count, and 50 points. Even if the kiss points only count when it's three completely different moments in time, she should have earned 30 points.

Cheri | January 28, 2016 @ 02:53 PM:

On Tuesday, I thought I saw that Haley received an extra 100 points for being asked to leave before the rose ceremony, but I don't see those points on my league scoring page any more. What happened to those points? Thanks.