The Bachelor: Episode 1 - Open Wide

January 4, 2016 by Fantasy 4 Reality

Welcome to our first edition of this season’s The Bachelor Quick Hits.

Most Pathetic Limo Entrances

1. Maegan’s trotting out Huey the tiny horse/donkey

2. Mandi's giant rose hat and pollination joke

3. Lauren R.'s failure to introduce herself or even hear Ben repeatedly ask her name because she is so busy rattling off everything she learned stalking him

4. Jo Jo’s unicorn impression

5. Breanne’s war on gluten

6. Izzy’s pajama party

7. Leah’s bend and snap

8. Caila’s run and jump

9. Jami’s reveal that Kaitlyn told her about Ben’s giant organ

10. Lace’s cheap kiss trick

Bonus Terrible Introduction: Sam’s boxer or “legal briefs” question

Best Limo Entrances

1. Shushanna’s Russian attack

2. Amanda’s bare bones, normal, polite introductions.

3. Red Velvet

Limo Entrances that Should Have Been Terrible, But Somehow Worked

Jackie’s “Save the Date” and Lauren H.s tossing of the bouquet

Worst Puns

1. Izzy’s onesie joke

50. Caila’s “catch me” lines after jumping into Ben’s arms

51. Leah’s “I knew you were a catch” comment after throwing him a football

52. Lauren B.’s line about “taking off” after giving him a set of pilot wings

53. Mandi’s “pollinate my rose” comment

54. Rachel’s “cloud nine” joke after riding in on a white cloud-like hoverboard

Best Line of Night

Lace: I’m just sitting here judging people. That’s what you do.

Most Refreshing Moment of the Night

Amanda volunteering to give Becca a chance to talk with Ben

Favorite Moment of the Night

Maegan sarcastically nodding when Shushanna accepted the rose with a good, old-fashioned Russian ‘Da.”

Ben's Grade

A- -- He handled everything with aplomb and kept the right women, but he should have tossed aside Mandi and rescinded Lace’s rose when she confronted him for not making sufficient eye contact.

Best Fantasy Performances

Lace led the way with 140 points for earning a rose, being the first to kiss Ben, having a kiss attempt rebuffed by Ben, crying, and earning the final rose of the evening.

Olivia earned 110 points for receiving the first impression rose.

Jo Jo earned 70 points for receiving a rose, exiting the limo in a weird costume, and giving that costume to Ben. Mandi also earned 70 points for exiting the limo in a weird costume and displaying a unique talent for Ben (dental skills).

Only Breanne earned points for crying during the confessional after her elimination (what we refer to as the "final 10), thereby embarrassing the honorable name of Brienne and proving that she did not hail from Tarth after all.

Good luck next week when the first alone dates take place and the first women complain about being on a date with a bunch of other women.


Sign in to post a comment

Allison | January 05, 2016 @ 12:08 PM:

Does Shushanna not get points for "Contestant Sings, Reads a Poem, Dances, Gives Ben a Gift, Plays an Instrument, or Displays Some Other Unique Talent for Ben: 30 points," for her Russian intro?

Deanne | January 05, 2016 @ 10:18 PM:

Does Breanne get points for bringing him a bread basket?

Deanne | January 05, 2016 @ 10:35 PM:

Also, it seems like Rachel would get points for display of talent on the hoverboard???

Rebecca+ | January 07, 2016 @ 12:29 PM:

I don't think the bread basket counts as a gift because she'd probably hurt him if he tried to eat it!

Rebecca+ | January 07, 2016 @ 12:30 PM:

I do think Shushanna's Russian is a unique talent... Although perhaps that should hinge on whether she learned Russian or grew up speaking it.