The Bachelorette: Episode 6 - A Bitter Narcissistic Enigma

June 18, 2015 by Fantasy 4 Reality

Welcome to week 6 of The Bachelorette Quick Hits.

This week landed somewhere between excruciatingly uncomfortable to watch and strangely satisfying. When we boil it down, it only makes sense to discuss this week’s events by examining the actions of two of the men – Joshua and Ian.

1. Joshua’s Single-Minded Focus and Naivety Leads to His Downfall

Sure, Joshua is still around, but that is only because we haven’t seen this week’s rose ceremony yet. The kind welder who gave Kaitlyn the greatest gift in the show’s history (an iron rose) made a series of blunders, which will result in his immediate dismissal next week. First, Joshua allowed smug Nick’s smooth-talking B.S. to consume him until he developed a Javert-like obsession with getting rid of him. Mistake No. 1: Letting Nick get in your head. Next, after allowing Kaitlyn to give him 2/3 of a mohawk, Joshua felt obligated to tell Kaitlyn what everyone, except for Kaitlyn, already knows … Nick sucks. Mistake No. 2: It NEVER works to be the one who spends your alone time bashing another contestant. Then Joshua informs Kaitlyn that all the other men agree with him. What he didn’t see coming was that none of the other men are dumb enough to admit this to Kaitlyn. Given that Kaitlyn loves confrontation, she asks the men about their feelings for Nick in front of Nick. She then throws Joshua under the bus in front of the other men and calls him out for calling them out. Seeing that Kaitlyn is enraged, the men have two choices: side with Joshua, admit that they don’t like her decision to invite Nick to the party and have been lying to her about it, and likely get sent home or lie again and seal Joshua’s fate. No surprise they choose door number two, Nick receives the group date rose, and Joshua becomes dead man walking.

2. Ian’s Bitter Narcissist Rant

As much as Joshua contributed some truly outstanding awkwardness to this week’s affairs, Ian stole the show. Realizing that Kaitlyn has no interest in him, despite the fact that he was the first to tell her that he was there for her and wanted her to be the Bachelorette, Ian decides that Kaitlyn is beneath him and that he should quit. Basically, he tries to save face by rejecting her before she rejects him. That sounds like a reasonable idea, but in the process Ian disgraces himself by revealing his Trump-like egomania. Failing to understand that some women may prefer a more mellow, light-hearted man, Ian can’t accept that Kaitlyn does not like him. As he explains, “A lot of women like me. It’s never been an issue.” This is backed up by his later comment, “I have a good time in my own life. I meet chicks, and I have a lot of sex.” Congratulations! Apparently, not realizing that love is subjective, Ian remarks, “I’m a Princeton graduate, a former model who defied death and has been around the world a couple of times.” Comparing himself to the other men, he adds, “I bring so much more to the table than any of these guys. I have a good job, education, charisma, and looks.” Notice he doesn’t say humility or a sense of humor. He later reasons, “She doesn’t understand the full extent of who I am. I am a catch.” Well, if you say so, buddy. Getting even more profound, Ian concludes, “I am an enigma. What I am is a gift that you unwrap for life.” Doesn’t he realize that the only reason unwrapping gifts is fun is that you eventually enjoy the gift itself? I hate unwrapping things for more than ten seconds. That’s why I hate when I receive electronics sealed in some sort of unopenable plastic. Honestly, unwrapping a gift for life sounds worse than Sisyphus perpetually having to push a boulder up a hill.

Here’s where it gets crazy. While Ian comes across like a total ass, he is not wrong about Kaitlyn. He concludes, “I don’t find Kaitlyn interesting. I don’t think that’s something wrong with me. I think that’s something wrong with her.” It’s probably both, but when he LEVELS her in a private conversation later, much of what he says feels accurate and makes for fantastic television.

The Season Date Ranking

Again the following are ranked according to which dates we would have most wanted to participate in.

  1. The private evening and dinner at the Met and helicopter tour of liberty island
  2. The underwater photo session/makeout
  3. Kayaking
  4. Performing in Aladdin
  5. No Date/Week spent with the other guys in the mansion
  6. Whatever Brady and Britt are doing together
  7. The Sex-Ed class
  8. Dance Competition
  9. Mariachi Performance
  10. The Haunted House
  11. The Boxing Match
  12. Sumo Wrestling
  13. Stand Up Comedy
  14. The Rap Battle

Kaitlyn's Week 6 Grade

C- - Kailtyn sent home Corey and Jonathan who weren’t adding much, but Ryan seemed like a hilarious guy the one time we saw him during the Sex Ed class Keeping Nick earns her a two letter grade demerit.

Men Battling for the Chris N. Award for Least Known Contestant to Stick Around

Joe. All he does is randomly kiss Kaitlyn each week.

Best Fantasy Performances

Sadly, Nick V. is the week’s high scorer, earning points for earning two roses, including the group date rose, singing, and kissing Kaitlyn. Ben H. finished second by earning two roses, going on an alone date, kissing Kaitlyn twice, and dancing with Kaitlyn. Shawn took third place with a two-rose, two-kiss week as well as an alone date with some tears.

See you next week when Ian quits, Joshua is booted, and Kaitlyn sleeps with someone.